Tag Archives: relationships

First Love! Really?

Posted on by

4

Wassup you morons!

As promised before, I am back yet again! Yes! I can see the excitement in your eyes! This post has been written by ME, “the one who should not be named and the one who will kick you in the groin if you do (just kidding! On second thoughts, I will! I never kid around)”.

So, had your dinner? NO! Fought with your parents again? YES!

Damn you! All of you hormonal devils! All of you!

Must be lying in your bed, crying yourself to sleep like yesterday! I know what is going on in that tiny little head of yours. Erica, Mary, Jessica, John, Jason? Or anyone who didn’t say the three letter word to you when you poured your loser of a heart out in front of another moron.

BANG ON! Aren’t I? You know what…ummm…What should we call you….still thinking….Alright, let’s call you shoelace and your love interest diarrhea. So shoelace, what the hell happened?

Lemme guess, you went up to diarrhea and said, I think I love you. Diarrhea looked around, looked down, felt embarrassed and rejected shoelace. Maybe diarrhea thought that shoelace was not good enough. Maybe diarrhea laughed on shoelace’s face in front of other shoelaces and left off. Maybe diarrhea rejected shoelace over a phone call or worse, over a text message.

And since then, shoelace has been dragging around a perfectly able body and mind everywhere like the loser bunny in a Duracell ad. Now, I am not gonna ask shoelace, which is YOU, to make a change in your faggoty behavior. I would just tell you a small story about a person, a person named, well, Whacko!

Whacko was in 5th standard when he had his first crush, yes that’s what it is, just a crush, infatuation and nothing more. So, coming back to Whacko, he used to checkout this cute little thing every second of the day. Often trying to make any kind of contact, be it physical or verbal, Whacko used to spend hours waiting for her. And finally, one day just like shoelace, Whacko proposed to her. She looked around, looked down, felt embarrassed and said nothing. Whacko was nervous, his heart was thumping hard, probably about to burst out of his chest. But, she said nothing! Whacko felt rejected, embarrassed and small just like shoelace might be feeling right now. He turned around and started walking away when suddenly she said, “YES”! Whacko had a series of emotions at the same time. He felt thrilled, horny, sad, horny, crazy and horny simultaneously.

So, it was Whacko’s time now! He and his cute little thing roamed around everywhere holding hands like two faggots all the time. Making sweet talks was one thing Whacko learned early and was darn good at. Making out became like a physical training class, happening every day. Yes, he was getting some! Then one day came in a new student.

And Boooyah all, it was again Whacko’s time. Whacko used to checkout this cuter little thing every second of the day. He became hornier. Often trying to make any kind of contact, be it physical or verbal, Whacko used to spend hours waiting for her. And finally, one day just like before, Whacko proposed to her. She looked into his eyes, smiled, held his hand and said YES. Whacko felt skeptical, horny, happy, horny, doubtful and horny simultaneously.

Whacko was spellbound! He indulged into this new dessert too much. Stealing money from his dad’s wallet became like a physical training class, happening every day. Yes, he did get some, this time from his dad though, but that’s another story! Then one day, just like before, came in a new student.

And this time, it was not Whacko’s time. He got dumped, but unlike shoelace, he MOVED ON! Because, he knew three things for sure:-

  1. He was awesome!
  2. He was awesome!
  3. And oh yes He was awesome!

So, here is the deal faggot! Either you can get off your ass, wash your face, have your dinner, kiss your parents goodnight and go to bed. Or else, you can mail to whackitup@gmail.com specifying your country, so that I can send a list of blood-sucking psychiatrists who would rip-off your parents till you actually go mad.

Signing off!

~Mr. Whacko Jacko

Sweet Sixteen

Posted on by

0

Wassup you morons!

Welcome to my humble abode! You know what, I have a very important topic to discuss today, YOU, yes YOU! The ugly looking teenage wimp who is staring at the screen right now. Now take a good look at yourself. C’mon, do it!

Now, that you have observed this useless creature, which is YOU (in case you didn’t get that coz YOU are such an idiot), here is the time to come straight to the point. I am pretty sure, you think that you are the most tormented soul ever to land on this planet and life has been a sadistic bitch to you over the years! Well, I got news for you, YOU SUCK!

The reason I am using such a sugar-coated dialect because there is one thing you need to understand for life. The TEENAGE YEARS are going to be the best years of my life. What? Don’t believe me! Alrighty, I will make sure that you agree to what I just said. You must be thinking who the hell am I to say so? Well, here is a list which covers up all your petty problems.

1. Acne: BITCH PLEASE! Really? You think this is a problem?

2. First day at school

3. Breakups

4. The distance between your bed and your bathroom

5. Being the only one in your friend circle who is not in a relationship.

6. Parents: If you think your parents are a problem then just close this window and never ever visit this website again. I am damn serious. I will track you down and punch you in the face and then help you get up and punch you in the face AGAIN.

7. Homework

8. Pocket Money

9. Getting rejected from your crush

10. Friends

Convinced? Ah! Darn it! I don’t give a rat’s ass if you are not! In the coming months I will come up with my experiences as a teenager to tackle these problems. You know where to look for that information. DUMB ASS, come back to WHACK IT UP for more.

You stink!

~ Mr. Whacko Jacko